Internal Family Systems Therapy in New York: Why the Voice in Your Head Is So Loud at Night

It always gets louder at night.

That is what Maya told me during our first consultation. During the day she was composed, competent, even admired. She worked in finance, lived in a beautiful apartment in Tribeca, had close friends, a workout routine, and a calendar that stayed full. But at 2:13 a.m., wide awake and staring at the ceiling, the voice would start.

You are behind. You said too much in that meeting. Why did you text him that. You are going to mess this up. She was exhausted from fighting herself.

On paper, her life looked fine. In reality, she felt like she was being managed by an internal committee that never stopped talking. This is often how people begin looking for Internal Family Systems Therapy in New York. Not because something is dramatically wrong. But because something inside feels relentless.

When Your Mind Feels Like a Group Chat You Cannot Exit

Maya described her mind as a group chat she could not exit. One part obsessed over performance. Another replayed social interactions. A third tried to calm everything down with logic. And then there was a quiet, heavy part that sometimes whispered, What is the point of all of this.

She had tried traditional talk therapy before. It helped her understand her patterns. She could trace her perfectionism back to growing up with high expectations. She knew her anxiety made sense. But knowing was not the same as relief.

Internal Family Systems Therapy in New York offers something different. Instead of trying to correct thoughts or override feelings, we slow down and get curious about the parts themselves. Not to silence them. Not to shame them. But to understand them.

Meeting the Perfectionist Instead of Fighting It

In one early session, Maya said, I hate this part of me that is never satisfied.

Instead of challenging that thought, I asked her to notice the part that pushes her to do more. Where did she feel it in her body. What was it afraid would happen if it relaxed. There was a long pause. Then she said, It thinks everything would fall apart.

As we stayed with it, something shifted. The perfectionist was not cruel. It was terrified. It had learned, a long time ago, that mistakes were dangerous. That love was conditional. That achievement kept her safe. For the first time, she felt compassion for the part she had been trying to outrun for years.

This is the heart of Internal Family Systems Therapy in New York. We begin to see that even the loudest, most exhausting parts are trying to protect something vulnerable.

The Vulnerable Part Beneath the Anxiety

Eventually, the work led us to a younger part. One that felt small and braced for criticism. This part carried memories of being corrected sharply at the dinner table. Of being praised for accomplishments but not comforted when she cried.

When that younger part surfaced, the anxiety made sense in a new way. The 2 a.m. spirals were not random. They were attempts to prevent old pain from happening again.

Instead of arguing with the anxious thoughts, we helped the protective parts soften just enough for her to connect with that younger place. Not to relive it and not to drown in it, but to let it know she was no longer alone. Over time, the nighttime voice changed. It did not disappear overnight. But it lost its sharp edge. It sounded less like an alarm and more like a concerned advisor.

What Changes When You Stop Trying to Fix Yourself

Six months in, Maya told me something simple but profound. I do not feel like I am at war with myself anymore.

Her external life had not dramatically changed. She still worked hard. She still cared about doing well. But there was more space inside. More steadiness. More choice.

That is often the quiet outcome of Internal Family Systems Therapy. Not a personality overhaul and not a dramatic reinvention. But a felt shift from self-criticism to self-leadership. When your parts trust that someone inside is listening, they do not have to shout.

If your life looks fine but your inner world feels loud, tense, or exhausting, you are not broken. You may simply have protective parts that have been working overtime for a long time. Internal Family Systems Therapy in New York offers a way to understand those parts without pathologizing them. To build self-trust instead of more self-control. To move from management to compassion. And sometimes, that is what finally lets you sleep.

Author Bio

Hilary Kopple, LCSW, is an IFS Therapist in NYC

Hilary Kopple, LCSW, is a trauma- informed psychotherapist in New York City specializing in anxiety, emotional overwhelm, relationship patterns, and life transitions. She is an IFS therapist in NYC, incorporating somatic awareness, CBT, and ACT into a warm, grounded, evidence-based approach. Hilary helps adults slow down, reconnect with themselves, and create meaningful inner change rooted in self leadership.

To learn more or get started, visit her Home page.

Read more about her background on her About page.